I dont always say aloud what I feel in my heart. Keeping it bottled in isnt always the best idea either. What just happened to me is nothing serious, but it made me come to a very serious conclusion. Let me start by telling you what happened...
I am on various Social Networking sites. Im not an ugly girl, so Im used to getting random messages that ask for my number or to get to know me...blah blah, so on and so forth. I usually don't respond because at least 80% of these messages are disrespectful, IMO. Of the ones I do respond to, I usually give a kind "No Thanks" or I say " It's always nice to have new friends", or something along those lines. I was about to type to make a long story short, but I decided this is my blog and if you don't wanna read you can always scroll down...
Loserface :o/
Anywho...If I Get a message that has some depth or intellect to it, I will respond with genuine conversation. At the end we usually exchange Yahoo IM SN's and chat later. No Biggie. My most recent convo wasn't deep or intellectual. It wasn't one I would normally respond to, but for some reason, 9 days ago, I did. It was typical. He asked how my day was and if he could have my number so we could hang out or kick it. I guess I responded because that day his was the only message in my inbox and I was in a good mood. I had to have been in a good mood because I responded jokingly, "Can we have a conversation or two before you just dive in asking for the digits...lol". He responded "sure, Lol".
But we never talked...well not for 9 days anyway. Last night I was browsing and came across his page randomly. So I sent him a message..."what happened? Stay in touch, kay? LOL." He responded, "I got you boo, lets be friends with benefits"
Hold the Phone, Excuse me, what the fuck did you just say to me?
Usually, I wouldn't be offended by something or someone as absent-minded and asinine as this ignorant buffoon. But today, he wet my whistle. Its not like its the FIRST time some bastard has Teed me off online so No big, whatever, I'll Cuss his ass and keep it moving. Then I decided that's not the best way to handle it...then I decided I didnt wanna respond at all. Then I Responded, "While I appreciate you bein straightforward, that not really what im lookin for. I dont do friends with benefits."
The thing that makes me mad about it is the fact that I'm always trying to take someones feelings into account...whether I know them or not. I dont always say what's on my mind because I dont want to hurt peoples feelings. I say Im Real because I exibit real qualities. And Im Honest, but not always straightforward. Its not like Im lying...i considers ppls feelings and I consider the best options to spare mine. But in the end its borderline regret.
So its better to just say whats real.
And Id rather not speak out of emotion. I'd rather think things through before burning bridges. But the reality is my thoughts are raw and at their truest then im angry or hurt or positively joyful...If I have a chance to think about it, I have a chance to sugarcoat the situation. Not to fabricate, but to find ways, like i said, to spare feelings, theirs and mine. there are only two situations in which I truly hold back: If I like someone, and if I dont want to lose someone. In some instances those are one in the same but ofttimes they aren't.
Im not even thinking about this stupid little boy anymore...But his dumb ass made me wonder...
Moving on...
I have had an awesome time in Virginia. I wish I didn't have to leave. Its funny because I was talking to my uncle...I just asked him where he gradated from. Just wondering, ya know? and he told me then he goes, "Why, you wanna move up here and go to school?" I just looked at him. Then I realized everyone was looking at me waiting on me to answer. I wonder if it was that obvious, lol. Then...as we were leaving he said Let me know if you wanna come up here and work. and in my mind im thinking this is great because he is TOTALLY on board with the idea. Then I'm also wondering...Where the hell am I gonna Live. I mean If I just up and moved out here, where would I go? He doesn't have room for me here. My Cousin, whom I adore and Love and who GETS me like none other, I cant live with her. She has her own stuff going on. The only person left is my grandmother. and I dont think It would be so bad if I did...But Im afraid to aske her. She knows I wouldn't mind staying, But she is one of those tough Love grandmothers. and Im better off waiting on her to extend the opportunity for me to stay than I am to ask her if its okay. Otherwise, Im gonna have to ask for some $$ or save it up and be here this summer. the only down side to that is OUT OF STATE TUITION. BUT its different in VA than in TX. I only have to live here 6 months. so If I move NOW I can go to school in the fall. OR I can Move June and Be in school in the spring.
At this point Im serious about school. I wanna do it. I just want to be able to submerge myself like I was before. Im gonna do my fafsa and apply to 4 schools; UofH, UNT, UTA, and VirginiaState, for entrance Spring 2011. Pray for me, kay?
Peace Love 'n' Blessings Ya'll
No comments:
Post a Comment