So I've made it to the end of august...Surprise surprise...
A million and one thoughts are clouding my mind right now. or maybe just a few thoughts which provoke a million possibilities. My fingers cant type as fast as im thinking. but oh how I wish they could. For the last week I have allowed this man to cloud up my life. And as much as I like him. As much as I would like to allow him to take all my time, its not realistic. This is the problem with me. I consider myself a realist where most people call themselves optimistic or pessimistic. and when it comes to other people or externalized situations...im able to see right through any bullshit and just let life live. But when it comes to me. When it comes to anything personal, i internalize it...which is okay sometimes. But it means that the bad things that happen hurt really bad...and the good things that happen send my full force into lala land. I cant live my life in lala land. Im a proud dreamer. A lively free spirit. A wanderer...hippie-esque in my lack of conformity and desire to 'just be happy'. Life could end tomorrow. People always say take advantage of your today, but I guess no one really ever means it. Societys view of take advantage of your today means go to work. Make some money. Pay your bills on time. Well I dont want to. I mean I do want to take care of my business. I do want to be stable. But sometimes I just want to breathe and smell the roses. I wasnt meant for this life and Im fully aware of it. There is something Better for me out there. I just wish I would find it already. Or that it would find me. Hello....Im ready for you! It doesnt make sense for me to be this smart, though a dreamer I may be, and have no real...path. Im all for creating one, but I need to be creating it in real life...and not just in my dreams.
Lordy let me find a job before I drive myself insane inside these walls.
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