Mac and Cheese, Please

Random: Mac and cheese is my favorite. After January 4, I have to give it up. Not entirely, but I have to limit it. Anyway, its what I'm eating for lunch today. Yummy.

So in order for this blog to work I have to talk about stuff. I dont really want to talk about my non-exsistant love life, but there is lots of stuff to go on about. I could talk about my experience with college and the 'path' i've chosen. I could talk about family issues...rather, issues i have with my family. Is that too private? I dont know. I just came to clear my mind...and right now this is what's on it.

Desmond.

I know I shouldn't be thinking of him. I keep beating myself up about how much I like him because I really really just want to be a friend to him. I mean I care about this dude and his well being, but I have genuine feelings for him too. I find myself getting jealous when he talks about other females, but I have to check myself really quick because thats not fair. We are just friends. Have I talked to him about this...Well, yea -kinda. I feel like he already knows, so why say anything ya know? I dont want our relationship to change. I like it just the way it is. I dont want things to be any more awkward than they can be at times and I definitely dont want him to go running the other direction. It gets easier everytime we hang out. Its definitely gonna suck when he goes back to Atlanta. No worries though. I guess.

Aside from him, another problem is boggling my brain: New years Eve.

I want to party like there's no tomorrow. But I have to be at work at 1045 Friday morning. I'll only be there for a few hours, but I have to be at at least 80% to function properly...but 100% would be best. I was gonna host a shindig, but some people kinda pissed me off so Fcuk that. I got invited to a gathering with some friends I used to kick it with. I'd like to go, but I dont want to fall back into old habits. As it is now I go out too much. But its just because I get tired of sitting at the house alone. [Damn there goes that word again. Ugh, I hate it: alone.] Anyway, I know I will have fun. And I'd be bringing in the new year, so its okay right? Eh...A big part of me believes that If I actually do something different this year, my year will yield different results. The last 4-5 years have been full of drunken stupidity and hangovers. The only times in life I have ever truly had hangovers have always been on January 1. What I would like to do is spend sometime with someone of some importance in my life. A guy. Someone i can lay next to and watch tv or a movie. Watch the ball drop, toast to the new year, kiss, and sleep. Nothin major or out of the ordinary.

Its just that no one like him exists.

Blah.

I was tempted to end the blog there, but I'd rather end on a happy note.
I'm really excited that as my eating habits change I can keep eating another of my favorite foods: Rainbow Sherbert. Yummy. I just finished my mac and cheese...Now Im gonna have a bowl of Rainbow sherbert. :0)Im so excited!

TTyL
Peace Love and Blessings Ya'll.